I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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