your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
