Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
