I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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