Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
