I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My boob is missing a layer of skin
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
