3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
