I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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