5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
