i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
