I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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