Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
