Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
