Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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