A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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