Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
