He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
