WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
