u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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