You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
