Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
