Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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