His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
