did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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