hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
