My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
