You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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