just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
