I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
