never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There was a lot of him and a little penis
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
