I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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