I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
