There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
