I feel great
I just peed on a car
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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