shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
