Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
