Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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