I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
