Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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