Got a toothbrush?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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