Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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