It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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