The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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