I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
