i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
