we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
