Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
