dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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