Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
