we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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