i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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