I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
